exploring somatic sexology
When was the last time you checked in with your body?
There are so many ways to approach and understand your relationship with sex. We are increasingly hearing about somatic sexology as an effective way to bridge the disconnect between your body and your sexuality, but what exactly is it?
In this article, Alice Child, an amazing sunbeam of a human being, who uses her powers for good as a Sydney-based somatic sexologist, sex coach and founder of Vulva Dialogues, tells us all about somatic sexology. She also shares a very useful somatic exercise that I often share with my clients. Enjoy!
Today, we live in a time where many of us are stuck in our mental world, instead of listening to our bodies. There is an inherent disconnect between what the body is experiencing and our ability to notice, listen, and pay attention. Over time, we lose the ability to ‘check in’ with our bodies, and don’t have the language to articulate what we are noticing (or not noticing). It is for this reason that so many people struggle to stay “in the moment” during sex. They might get stuck worrying about how they are performing, what they look like, or what their partner is thinking. Without somatic awareness and embodiment, they don’t know how to mindfully bring their attention back into their bodies and into the present moment.
What is somatics?
Somatics is any practice that develops and strengthens the mind-body connection. Somatic practices teach you how to mindfully scan and listen to your body, survey your internal self, and pick up signals that your body is sending. These signals could be areas of pain, numbness, discomfort, pleasure, arousal, in-balance or blockages.
Everyone feels and interprets these signals differently, but they may be felt as vibrations, heat, tingles, shivers, emotions, feelings, colours, visualisations, or even memories.
What is somatic sexology?
Somatic sexology takes somatic practices and adapts them to teach people how to have better sex. Erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, difficulty orgasming, low libido, low sexual confidence, and difficulty voicing desires are all very common sexual concerns that benefit from somatic awareness and embodiment practices.
Similarly, many people rely on their brains to turn them on, through internal fantasies or porn. Although these are useful erotic tools, if we become over-reliant on them we risk losing the ability to rely on the sensations in our bodies to build our arousal. These people may feel ‘desensitized’, and find it hard to stay present with the sensations or connections they are experiencing in the present moment without the addition of porn or fantasy.
As a somatic sexologist, I help people get out of their heads and into their bodies.
What can we learn from our bodies?
Our bodies are not separate entities from our minds, and they are so much more than a collection of body parts and organs, designed to ‘obey’ and carry out the brain's desires.
Our bodies carry wisdom, intuition, emotion, and our personal history. Just like people physically feel stress in different parts of their body - such as a tightness in their chest or an unsettling in their gut - we all carry emotion and experiences in how we present and feel within our bodies. This can be particularly powerful for people who have experienced sexual, physical or emotional trauma.
Somatic practices teach you to access more information about how you hold on to your experiences in your body. With this knowledge, we can mindfully forge new pathways using somatic awareness and embodiment practices.
How can we try somatics at home?
Here are some simple practices I teach my clients to help them get out of their heads and into their bodies.
Remember, as with any ongoing practice with the mind or body, somatics takes time and practice. Just as one session of meditation, yoga, physio or martial arts won’t result in any significant ongoing change, somatic practices take time and practice to learn and become familiar.
To really start to notice results, try doing this pleasure-based body scan every day for 5-10 minutes.
What do you notice in your body before, during and after?
